Day 16

Went to the grocery store today, my cart loaded up with goodies, and began unloading my tasty treats and frozen dinners (to the tune of $175, but I saved 38 bucks with my Giant card!), while the checker was trying to figure out how to input the gift card of the lady in front me. It took forever, in that I had taken over the entire conveyor belt, and was restlessly drumming my fingers on the metal pre-conveyor overload way station, when he turned to me and said, "This is the express lane." Still went through it, but hey, anytime you get a chance to say "awww shit" in front of the lady-in-front-of-you-at-the-checkout-counter's four year old kid is a win in my book.

That is neither here nor there, so back to the meme. Yesterday was fanfic, and as I mentioned, I do not read fanfic. Of course, as luck would have it, Deadspin posted something about a Kobe Bryant murdering people fanfic, and as I was about to click through, I realized that if I had read it, I would have had to post about it. So I did not. I am lazy. I would apologize, but, meh.

Day 16--A Song That Makes You Cry (or nearly)

During my cross-midwest jaunts that I frequently took back in the days of college and law school (heading back to the Chicago Suburbs from Ohio or vice versa), I would frequently end up in a radio deadzone, where the only thing that comes through is Christian music and AM stations. Usually I went with the AM stations because, come on, hearing one topic in sports debated endlessly on various ESPNRadio affiliates is the only thing more mind-numbing thing than driving through middle america (imagine listening to five hours of people talk about Gilbert Arenas and his guns, with no new information mind you, just crazy speculation, half-cocked opinion, and cheesy fireworks commercials). So when I would get sick of that, I would flip over to FM, hit the scan button, and watch the radio (err, road too) scroll through 94 point something reach 107.9, and roll back to 88.1, where I knew I would shortly get some kick-ass christian shit.

On this particular trip (I have no clue when, where, or how this trip existed, but I am 89.5 percent certain it did exist as a road trip and not an LSD trip. Cause I have never done LSD. That I am aware of), I stumbled across a song that eloquently combined piano and lyrics in a haunting, upbeat, scary, hopeful, and unknowing sort of way (when you see the subject matter of the song, it should make sense). It rocked my socks off. When the song ended, I stayed on the christian station, anxiously hoping I could get the name of the song before I went out the stations range. It must have been divine intervention, because in 4 minutes of the song, and the five miles I drove, left me with static as the song ended. I stayed with it, hoping against hope that I would hear who had done this majesty of a song, but it never came through. And I was very sad.

Since I have no music ear, and worse memory, so that when I finally got in front of a computer my Googling (it is a search using the Search Engine Google, Avoid Genericide!) revealed nothing to the lyricist and composer of the song. Alas, I though all was lost.

Then!, as luck would have it, the lyrics started coming back to me a few weeks later, and with better keywords Google's search algorithm was able to guide me to the song makes me cry. Sometimes. Usually when drunk. I mean always when drunk.

*note: the runner-up is my eventual first dance song with the girl of dreams. I did not really want to use that here. But that song makes me cry ligo too.

*ex post note: there is no official video for this other than some crappy remixes. So I had to go with the best sounding one. I do apologize for the anime pictures.

Day 14

Catching up a bit here:

Day 11--A photo of you taken recently

Not doing it. This is anonymous for a reason.

Day 12--Whatever tickles your fancy

Come on. I did this solely so I would not have to come up original ideas.

Day 13--A Fictional Book

Easy Enough:

Day 14--A Nonfictional Book

Ooooo. Now here is a more fun topic. But I am lazy, so I am just gonna pic a random book.

Also, tomorrow is fanfic. I have never read a fanfic, so probably wont be back tomorrow.

Day 10

Day 10--A Photo of You Taken over Ten Years Ago

Ok, I swear that I have in my possession exactly one picture of me taken over ten years ago. I cannot seem to find it. My better half can attest to the fact that this picture does exist, as she has seen it.

It is a picture of me at around 8 or 9 years of age, wearing my Superman PJs, with my best friend at the time, who happened to be a girl, who was also wearing her Superman PJs, though hers had a skirt, so I guess they were Supergirl. But I was a little jealous of the skirt. OK, not really, but I think it is hilarious that she had a skirt on because she was a huge tomboy.

Also in the picture, we were holding up He-Man figurines (or possibly G.I. Joe, I cannot recall). We used to play a game called Guys, which was really just a battle royale between He-Man, GI Joe, and whatever other action figures we had. Good times. Simple times. Oh well.

So, here is a picture of what I probably looked like exactly 29 years ago:

If I had been a girl of course.

Happy new year everyone!

Day 9

Day 9--A Photo That You Took

Well, I am not much of a shutterbug, but here is a picture of an ominous DC sky I took a while back. It was taken with my phone, so quality sucks.

Notice the framing of the Capitol Building in the background, as well as how the sky gets darker as it looks to be directly above the Capitol.

Bonus Picture!!!!!

This is my car about halfway through the DC snowstorm. By the end, the entire thing would be covered.

Day 8

Day 8--A Photo That Makes You Angry/Sad

I am going to go with sad here:

That is Reagan National Airport. That is where my girlfriend flies out of when she leaves for christmas/spring/summer break. So I am not a fan. My girlfriend by the way, has a fantastic blog that you should check out because it is great.

And because that picture makes me sad, I am gonna do another one that makes me happy:

She went home for thanksgiving. I stayed in DC and spent thanksgiving alone. So the weekend before she left, she made me a turkey. A deliciously delectable turkey. I got to carve it, and she put on the finishing touches and made the turkey arrangement you see above. It was so good, my mouth is watering as I am typing this.

So that picture makes me happy, and I am now in a slightly better mood than I was when I started writing this post.

Day 7

Day 7--A Photo That Makes You Happy



PLAYOFFS!!!!

Also, these pictures of DC covered in snow are pretty cool.

Day 6--Tickling

Day 6--Whatever Tickles Your Fancy

I suppose this means I can write whatever I want. However, I am exhausted from the holidays, so how about a short list. In no particular order, my christmas gift haul (bear in mind, I had to transport gifts from Chicago to DC on only two small carry-ons):

1. Hockey Gloves
2. Three seasons of the Simpsons
3. Madden for Wii
4. Wii Remote
5. Small John Deere farming machinery (like Hot Wheels size. From my mom because I am addicted to Farmville)
6. Lego Indiana Jones for Wii
7. Cubs Pez dispenser
8. Three books: The Black Swan; Superfreakonomics; and Traffic: Why we drive the way we do
9. Zebrahead--Panty Raid
10. Lawyer Jokes Calendar
11. An old thyme hat. Kind of like a tam o'shanter, but I am not sure what is really called. (Used to be my Grandpa's)

Hope everyone had a great holiday. Back to the grind tomorrow.

Day 5--Favorite Quote

Hey look at this, five for five! I am impressed with myself. However, these posts are getting noticably shorter and shorter. I am gonna blame Christmas and the NHL's condensed schedule. I fly back to DC tomorrow, then it is work on Monday, so hopefully, this ship will get rolling again. For now, it is merely:

Day 5--Your Favorite Quote

All sunshine makes a desert

My girlfriend is not a very big fan of this quote but that is OK. You know why? Its because all sunshine makes a desert.

Day 4--Favorite Book

Short and sweet for a Very Merry Christmas:

Day 4--Your Favorite Book:

Day 3--Favorite TV Show

Here we go again. Remember that post yesterday? Well you probably read it today because I made a post two days ago as well and I am sure you figured that there would be nothing new here for at least a month; But you were WRONG!! In yesterday's post I stated the uncontroverted fact that 3% of my DVDs are movies. In today's installment, we learn how the other 97% roll . . .



Day 3--Your Favorite TV Show



Alright, let's rehash what we know. First, many of my DVDs are of the TV variety. Second, this flies in the face of the message intended by my favorite song.

We can breakdown this TV show thing by listing off what it is I own. For the most part, it falls under six television shows. Two can be voted off the island from the outset:

Firefly--Holy hell, do I love this show. Not only that, the girlfriend loves it too (it was our first television related bonding experience. Also, for some holiday, I got a card that would record 30 seconds and I sang a portion of the theme song in that way that only I can pull off (i.e. the singing sucks, but it is cute as hell)). However, the show only lasted 14 episodes, and thus cannot compete with a show has lasted at least 20 seasons.

Smallville--I love ya Smallville, but too Monster of the weeky, and well, I haven't watched a new episode in the last two seasons and I only own the first five (first four are great though, well, 2-4 is great). Eventually I will buy the rest, but repeat viewings are not very high.

That narrows the field down to four. Two dramas and two half hour comedies. One from each category has to be cut. There is no turning back. This is the final destination for two of these shows. The last hurrah, the last turkey in the pie hole, the final nail in the coffin (don't you hate those reality shows that have an hour to fill, but only fifteen minutes worth of material so they spend a bunch of time building up to nothing, going out to commercial saying "What will happen" and recapping the scenario, then coming back from commercial saying "What will happen" and recapping the scenario, infusing with 2 minutes of new material, then wash, rinse, and repeat? It annoys the fuck out of me. And yes, I am looking at you Hell's Kitchen. Arrghhh, it makes me so mad.) But anyway, as I was saying, we have already eliminated two of the top six television shows. Which remaining show will make a fatal mistake. The answer . . . . after this brief message:




Angel--I love this show, but it is a spin-off, and therefore, not as great. OK, it might be better than Buffy, but ummm, move along please. I would like to note, that I have watched the last two episodes of this series more than I have ever watched another single television program. That is worth noting.

Arrested Development--It came down to a simple question. At its best, was AD funnier than The Simpsons at its best. Simple question. Simple answer.

TV TIMEOUT FOOL!




So, as you have you guessed, that leaves Buffy the Vampire Slayer and The Simpsons. And to be honest, I am trying to pick a top show, but

I can't decide, can't decide. Brain aneurysm!




the below version is sweet, yet lacks the line. Anyway, I am not deciding. Because both shows rock.

Day 2--Favorite Movie

When we last checked in with crazy Daaaaazzze Meme I was lamenting the fact that I had to pick a favorite song. And, as Gladwellians are want to do, I just went with the Tipping Point for myself and used some anecdotal evidence. 'Cause who needs the scientific method right? Well, for this day, we are about to get all mathematical. Strap yourselves in kids, because now it is:

Day 2--Your Favorite Movie

These days, movies are cheap. So long as you do not go to a theater. A DVD ranges between 10 and 20 bucks. You can sign up for Netflix and watch something like 800 movies a month for 15 cents. So it stands to reason that one should own one's favorite movie. Its not like you have to hire two unionized projectionists to run your home movie theater. Everyone has a DVD player by now. If one can access the internet, they likely have computer of some sort or even a gaming system which can play DVDs (except for the Wii, damn Wii). Additionally, through the magic of the internet one can download a shit ton of 1's and 0's which eventually form into moving pictures with sound which may or may not resemble copyrighted works.

So, those are the facts of the world we live in. And remember, my hypothesis is that everyone owns, in some way shape or form, be it legal or illegal, one's favorite movie.

I own approximately 175 individual DVDs. Of those, 5 are movies (more on this tomorrow, which will be obvious when you see tomorrow's topic--"brag more about the number of DVDs you own even though it really is not that many"). So of all my DVDs, about 3% represent theatrical movies (though one may not have been released in theaters, or at least, it should not have). Also, I have no movies on my computer, and I think I lost a couple of DVD-R's which an ex-con friend gave that had five or six movies on them. I am fairly certain that I saw the blatant copyright violations and summarily destroyed the discs.

Regardless, the point is that the defense's theory does not hold water. My hypothesis is wrong. I surveyed everyone here, and it comes out 0-1 in owning-not owning one's favorite movie. Which means I do not own my favorite movie. The shame I feel. I am not a true American. Thankfully, in my world, one person does not a hypothesis prove. I never said the rule had to be absolute. If people read this blog, I would totally put up a poll which would prove my hypothesis correct. But alas.

Anyway, to answer the question:



Gawd that is a shitty trailer. What, was everyone high in the 60's or something? This is a kick-ass fan made one set to music. None of that annoying talking (as for silent films, I recommend Battleship Potemkin)



The book is pretty good too.

Day 1--Favorite Song

Hey this looks easy. I suck at updating this blog for a myriad of complex reasons that would take at least 30 days of explanation. Instead of of spending the next two fortnights plus two days explaining, I am going to spend the 2 1/7ths fortnights doing this 30 days meme thing that I have been seeing at one place (I am so busy, I no longer follow blogs*). Thus, I am gonna give this a shot to hopefully reinvigorate my blogging spirit. But don't hold your breath. Unless you had fish tonight. Then please do.

*blatant lie, but I try to make at least 1/4th of the sites in my reader work related.

Day 1--Your Favorite Song

Jeebus Christmas. They have to make the first one this tough. I am seriously rethinking this whole meme bullshit. Picking a favorite song is like picking your favorite adopted child. You had nothing to do with its development and were probably not there for the release party, but be damned if you did not make that thing your own and love it more (in your head) that the actual creator did/does.

Favorite could mean so many things, especially when it comes to music. So fuck it, I will just pick the song that made me turn my radio down 0.8 clicks, from the Mix 101.9 to Q101, way back in the year 1996 or some such (when I was ~15. I was a late bloomer to the whole teenage angst thing.).





Turns out, the song is about TV being bad. Guess I missed that message. He should have sang television instead of subway. That would have helped. Maybe. Probably not. I am dense.

Dumbass

Matisyahu is an arrogant dumbass. In regards to his song "one day", he states, "I don't think you could write a better song for the Olympics. The song is about getting past the differences and coming together. It's about hope and unification -- that's the whole deal with the Olympics."

Ummm, the whole point of the olympics is to kick some commie ass and prove that the USA is the best country ever. Ever, ever? Ever, evah. Why do you think we added events like snowboarding? Why do you think USA basketball got ripped for winning a bronze medal? The only hope that exists is the hope that One Day everyone will feel unified because everyone speaks english.

And for the record, I probably cannot write a better song about the olympics, but I am sure there exists someone, somewhere, that can (to be fair I have not heard the song yet, I will listen to it later an amend this post if necessary) (also, if by "you" he meant the reporter taking down the quote, then you, Mr. Matisyahu, are probably correct. Sorry Rudi Greenberg of the Express).



Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

A Short Post About Nothing

The woman is demanding a blog post. At first I was thinking about doing a Top Ten Things I Hate About You list, but then realized that I just did a top ten list as well as that would admit that I have seen the movie of a similar title. So that was out (even though I am truely annoyed that last night she bought a portion of my X-mas gift (with me there no less), three seasons of The Simpsons on DVD, but refuses to allow me to release them from their shrinkwrapped bondage). Then I tried to think of something interesting or amazing that I have done recently, but my meager accomplishments (if there are in fact any) pale in comparison to the fact that she saved a blind woman's life the other day.

I could write about the fact that the woman has Netflixed Twilight, even though she has not read any of the books and determined that it sounds stupid (per Wikipedia plot summaries), and is going to ruin my day off tomorrow by making me watch it.

Or I suppose I could write about the fact that I quit smoking for her about a week and a half ago (Nov. 1 to be exact). And after three jittery days have seemed to nearly kick the habit (though walking out of work every day still causes my mouth to water as it anticipates those delicious carcinogens wafting over it, twice per drag). The best part of the quitting process is that I did not even have to give up beer! Though, I am no longer drinking Bud Light. At least for now. I will be back old friend.

I could write about the fact that I have very little actual work to do at work right now. But lots of people do not have a job and I do not want to sound like a dick.

So there is really not that much going on for me right now. I do not what to tell you all. Except that I am addicted to Farmville. It makes me hate myself a little. But it is addictive. Oh well. At least I am not smoking.

How I was Attacked By Wolves and Forced to Live Among Them for Six Months

Or, more accurately, the top ten reasons I suck at blogging.

1. Shitty T-Mobile. I do not get telephone service in my office, and as such, have no mobile internet in my office. I get phone service when I go to smoke, but not data service (and this is in downtown DC). Hence, I cannot email entries to my blog. Of course, I could type them out, and just save them until I am at a place where I have data service, but see #9.

2. Work. I have a job. Surprisingly, it has been just over a year since I started this job. I would not say that it keeps me busy, per se, but it does mean that I have to be someplace for at least 8 hours a day. And factor in the commute, we are looking at 9 hours. And then factor in the fact that I have spent the last 8 hours staring at a computer screen, I am not so motivated to fire up the old laptop when I get home. I much prefer staring at the television screen when I get home and bask in its warm glowing warming glow. And once you read #9 (no peeking!), you will understand that watching my ever-growing collection of The Simpsons DVDs is much preferred to moving my fingers above, and THEN applying pressure to, a keyboard.

3. Firewalls. There is one at work. I cannot access blogger from my work computer. Hence, no matter how freaking bored I get during the day, I cannot write a post. Well, I suppose I could, either long hand, in a word document that is later printed out, or even as mentioned above on my Blackberry, but as you noticed in #1, I cross-referenced #9, which remains true for this bullet-ish point.

4. Sports. Specifically, Hockey and Football. I cannot blame baseball. The Cubs were out of it a couple months ago and my fantasy baseball team nosedived after a stellar first month (I finished 11th out of 12). But Hockey, oh hockey. I play of course and that takes up one night per week. And now hockey season has started. Even as I type this I am acutely focused on the 'Hawks-Wings game (I suppose that means I am obtusely focused on writing). Sure, sure, this is the 'Hawks third game of the year, and the first two, played in Sweden, meant I could only catch the game on Saturday, but still, its HOCKEY! And the hawks will be good this year. So I have to spend a lot of time reading Puck Daddy, and Second City Hockey and Fifth Feather and Third Man In (See #9 as to why I am not including links).

And Football has started. The woman and I have a routine for football. We get up on Sunday morning and we head to the bar. We split a brunch and drink a lot. It is a lot of fun (except for the fact that I root for the Packers and she roots for the Bears). And she is friends with the bartender, so we get a pretty good deal for drinking all day. That obviously impairs my blog writing ability on Sundays.

5. Speaking of the woman, may as well include her here. She loves to go out and do things, and even though I am #9, I usually go along with her. Doing things that are not writing = not writing.

6. Twitter has turned my brain to mush. If this is the future of writing, count me out. I want no part of it. (How many characters was that?) Of course, due to #9, I twitter occasionally. Not much. And my tweets make me appear to be a twit (hehehehe, see what I did there?).

7. I am old, broken, and decrepit. Oh, let us just look at my injuries in the last couple weeks or so. As I tweeted, I had me some ass surgery about a month ago. Ass surgery is not cool. You cannot even enjoy a good sit (not a typo). You cannot even enjoy a good shit. I won't get into all the disgusting details, but as #9 as I may be, recovering from ass surgery makes one want to do less. Cannot even sit on my ass and type.

Then there was the softball game from which I received a panoply of injuries. As a softball pitcher, one must be prepared for balls hit back up the middle. And occasionally one of those balls will target the pitcher's balls. I got lucky. The batter's 90 mph redirect of my pitch off his bat when about two inches below my balls and slightly to my left. I reacted in time, I think, but instinctively used my glove to cover my fun parts, which caused the ball to glance off the glove, hit my inner thigh and nailed my inner thigh before proceeding through my legs and up the middle of the infield (the batter was safe fyi). The result was a bruise the likes of which I have not seen since I was hit by a car. Needless to say, a cup will now be added to my softball uniform.

Later in that game, I hit a drive to right field, which was promptly fumbled by the right field because the right fielder in softball usually sucks. For a normal person, this would be an easy double, but because I am slower softball version of Sid Bream, I had to hustle to turn it into a double. As I was nearing the bag, the throw from the outfield came in, and I did my best skid/slide which resulted in 1) my left knee scrapping along the dirt and 2) the shortstop crashing into me as he attempted to field the throw. So, as a result of this play, I skinned my knee, resulting in a quite a large wound (that my friend's girlfriend disinfected by pouring purell on it, Ouch) and a tweaked right ankle, which after a couple hockey games, still ain't right.

So given those injuries, plus a visit to the Doctor this week where he fiddled with my ass and made it hurt more, I am taking the week off from hockey. And hence, able to write this post. My pain=Your gain.

8. Books. I have bought five or six books in the last two months and have read none of them. I have to get on that shit.

9. If you have yet to figure out what this one is, my condolences.

10. I was blackmailed into revealing that I have had sexual relations with numerous young women at my place of employment. Oh, sorry, that was someone else who makes unfunny top ten lists.