Or, more accurately, the top ten reasons I suck at blogging.
1. Shitty T-Mobile. I do not get telephone service in my office, and as such, have no mobile internet in my office. I get phone service when I go to smoke, but not data service (and this is in downtown DC). Hence, I cannot email entries to my blog. Of course, I could type them out, and just save them until I am at a place where I have data service, but see #9.
2. Work. I have a job. Surprisingly, it has been just over a year since I started this job. I would not say that it keeps me busy, per se, but it does mean that I have to be someplace for at least 8 hours a day. And factor in the commute, we are looking at 9 hours. And then factor in the fact that I have spent the last 8 hours staring at a computer screen, I am not so motivated to fire up the old laptop when I get home. I much prefer staring at the television screen when I get home and bask in its warm glowing warming glow. And once you read #9 (no peeking!), you will understand that watching my ever-growing collection of The Simpsons DVDs is much preferred to moving my fingers above, and THEN applying pressure to, a keyboard.
3. Firewalls. There is one at work. I cannot access blogger from my work computer. Hence, no matter how freaking bored I get during the day, I cannot write a post. Well, I suppose I could, either long hand, in a word document that is later printed out, or even as mentioned above on my Blackberry, but as you noticed in #1, I cross-referenced #9, which remains true for this bullet-ish point.
4. Sports. Specifically, Hockey and Football. I cannot blame baseball. The Cubs were out of it a couple months ago and my fantasy baseball team nosedived after a stellar first month (I finished 11th out of 12). But Hockey, oh hockey. I play of course and that takes up one night per week. And now hockey season has started. Even as I type this I am acutely focused on the 'Hawks-Wings game (I suppose that means I am obtusely focused on writing). Sure, sure, this is the 'Hawks third game of the year, and the first two, played in Sweden, meant I could only catch the game on Saturday, but still, its HOCKEY! And the hawks will be good this year. So I have to spend a lot of time reading Puck Daddy, and Second City Hockey and Fifth Feather and Third Man In (See #9 as to why I am not including links).
And Football has started. The woman and I have a routine for football. We get up on Sunday morning and we head to the bar. We split a brunch and drink a lot. It is a lot of fun (except for the fact that I root for the Packers and she roots for the Bears). And she is friends with the bartender, so we get a pretty good deal for drinking all day. That obviously impairs my blog writing ability on Sundays.
5. Speaking of the woman, may as well include her here. She loves to go out and do things, and even though I am #9, I usually go along with her. Doing things that are not writing = not writing.
6. Twitter has turned my brain to mush. If this is the future of writing, count me out. I want no part of it. (How many characters was that?) Of course, due to #9, I twitter occasionally. Not much. And my tweets make me appear to be a twit (hehehehe, see what I did there?).
7. I am old, broken, and decrepit. Oh, let us just look at my injuries in the last couple weeks or so. As I tweeted, I had me some ass surgery about a month ago. Ass surgery is not cool. You cannot even enjoy a good sit (not a typo). You cannot even enjoy a good shit. I won't get into all the disgusting details, but as #9 as I may be, recovering from ass surgery makes one want to do less. Cannot even sit on my ass and type.
Then there was the softball game from which I received a panoply of injuries. As a softball pitcher, one must be prepared for balls hit back up the middle. And occasionally one of those balls will target the pitcher's balls. I got lucky. The batter's 90 mph redirect of my pitch off his bat when about two inches below my balls and slightly to my left. I reacted in time, I think, but instinctively used my glove to cover my fun parts, which caused the ball to glance off the glove, hit my inner thigh and nailed my inner thigh before proceeding through my legs and up the middle of the infield (the batter was safe fyi). The result was a bruise the likes of which I have not seen since I was hit by a car. Needless to say, a cup will now be added to my softball uniform.
Later in that game, I hit a drive to right field, which was promptly fumbled by the right field because the right fielder in softball usually sucks. For a normal person, this would be an easy double, but because I am slower softball version of Sid Bream, I had to hustle to turn it into a double. As I was nearing the bag, the throw from the outfield came in, and I did my best skid/slide which resulted in 1) my left knee scrapping along the dirt and 2) the shortstop crashing into me as he attempted to field the throw. So, as a result of this play, I skinned my knee, resulting in a quite a large wound (that my friend's girlfriend disinfected by pouring purell on it, Ouch) and a tweaked right ankle, which after a couple hockey games, still ain't right.
So given those injuries, plus a visit to the Doctor this week where he fiddled with my ass and made it hurt more, I am taking the week off from hockey. And hence, able to write this post. My pain=Your gain.
8. Books. I have bought five or six books in the last two months and have read none of them. I have to get on that shit.
9. If you have yet to figure out what this one is, my condolences.
10. I was blackmailed into revealing that I have had sexual relations with numerous young women at my place of employment. Oh, sorry, that was someone else who makes unfunny top ten lists.
