Last Thursday, I was talking with my girlfriend over Skype and I mentioned a post that I wanted to do involving Filter, Tipper Gore, Robert Gates, and libel. She was excited for me to write it, and sadly, I never got around to it. I hope this suffices (and yes, I know it is not a poem, as the title may suggest, but whatever. I am still working on that sonnet though).
As I write this, it is our 9 month anniversary. If you do the math (or grab the 2008 calendar out of the trash), you will see that our first date was on Election Day. It truly was a historic day (though oddly enough, neither of us voted for the same person and neither of us voted for Obama).
The odd thing about our relationship (I might use "odd" a lot, my apologies) is that we have spent about half that time apart. She is a law student (rising 2L), which means lots of nice long breaks from DC. There is Thanksgiving, a month for Christmas, spring break, and of course the place we are mired in now, the three month summer vacation. If you had the first few weeks where we were just casually dating (which I do, because everyday with her is better than my best day without her), one gets to about 4.5 months of away time. Which sucks.
But it is also good. I will not say great, because it sucks so much, but one could say that it has been great for our relationship. Kind of. Well yes, it has. Beginning around Thanksgiving time, we have had some epic g-chats (though before this, we had marathon text messaging sessions (on of the reasons I had to upgrade my phone plan (and eventually went with a blackberry so I could email her while I was working (except I dont get service where I work so I just use my work e-mail (I am sure the all-seeing eye thinks I am hilarious)(gmail blocked at work (bastards!)))))). So over Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks, with finals between them there was not a lot of quality "us" time, we talked about lots of things. We really got to know each other.
But I think that my nature is one of the reasons this really helped our relationship. I am not much of a talker. I fumble words; have trouble getting thoughts out; feel the pressure of having to talk and can not come up with the words (for instance, I have spent about 45 minutes typing what you have read up to now. If you read it, it would take a minute, said it, maybe three). But with the typing, I am fucking Casanova. All the sweet things that my brain cannot communicate to my mouth, my brain has no trouble sending to my fingers. It was through this forum that I could really convey to her how much I really liked her. She recently read through some of our old g-chats (after I mention some really cute parts of them to her) and said to me that she could not believe how much I liked her and how she did not pick up on it.
I understood how she did not though. I am generally a very guarded person, and even though I was attracted to her from the moment I saw her standing in the King St. metro parking lot, I was still quite keen on protecting my feelings. She is much like me in this respect. But to her credit, she made the first move. Well, really the first and the second. She knows the first move, I might tell the rest of you about it sometime. But she made the second. And I am glad she did, because I am a wimp.
After our lunch date (oh yes, I called in sick to work on Election Day to have a lunch date with a girl I hardly knew), she suggested we take a walk around Olde Towne Alexandria. During lunch, we mostly discussed law school (read: me explaining to her why law school sucks and no one should repeat my mistake (although I am glad I went, odd right?)). But after lunch, we took a walk, which shocked me that she suggested it. I am not the most entertaining lunch guest. But we walked down to the Potomac, down where the anchor is on King St., and I made one of my infamous "smart-alec jokes." She laughed, and she would later tell me this when she stopped thinking of me as crazy possible stalker rapist, and started thinking of me as a sweet guy she could use for his law knowledge (operative word being "sweet").
If pressed, I would say that the definitive point in our relationship for me was the night I had to spend in the hospital. It occurred sometime in January (yay two months!). It was a Friday or Saturday night when my body began to revolt. My stomach clamped down on me, shrinking itself to at least 1/1,000 of its size (I assume). Anything I tried to put in came right back out. Anything that was there, would not come out. Bent over in pain, I refused to do anything. "This shall pass," I said. My girlfriend thought otherwise and agreed to stay with me that night. Around five in the morning of a sleepless night, me writhing in pain, she insisted we go to the hospital. I said I was ok. She said HOSPITAL! I said, lets call the nurse hotline on my health insurance, see what they say. Damn nurse said hospital. So I let my woman drive me to the hospital. I tried to be calm with her driving my car, but between the gut-wrenching pain and her inability to begin stopping 18,000 yards before a stop sign, I was a little freaked out. Miraculously, she got me to the emergency room in one piece (that was sarcasm dear). But I would later learn, that this was a test for her.
Most people do not like hospitals. I know I hate them. I have hated them ever since my little sister was born. It had been a difficult pregnancy, and when my mom was recovering, only my dad was allowed to see her. My two older sisters and I were left in the waiting room. For a six year old, I was pretty fucking pissed. All I wanted was " TO SEE MY MOMMY!!!!" I do not think that I threw a tantrum. I tried to be tough. I understood what was going on. But in that moment(s), I hated my dad because he got to see my mom and I did not. It was an early lesson that life is not fair.
I am still not sure why my sweetie hates hospitals, though I can venture a few guesses. And all of those guesses make me understand why she hates them. But she parked my car and came into the waiting room with me. I think she had her laptop or at least a casebook or two with her. It was a good chance for her to do homework. Bleeding guys are not that much of a distraction.
Eventually, they called my name and I got to go in the back, where they make ER patients wait even longer. They did a test or two (I was most worried about appendicitis), and then made me drink liquid cum. It was a huge glass of yellowish liquid, viscous, but flavored with powdered lemonade (still gross). I got about 3/4ths of it down before throwing it all back up. They still insisted on a scan of some sort (damn kick-ass health plan), to which I submitted. But when I got back, they stuck me back on my cot in my "room." I say room because I was in the hallway, surrounded by a couple curtains.
But during this, and this is the part my girlfriend does not know, was that all I wanted was her. I wanted her next to me. I wanted her to hold my hand. I wanted to hear her tell me everything was going to be ok. After three hours, and the doctors not being able to figure out what was going on with me, I broke. I tried to be tough. My girlfriend made it into the waiting room, a big step for her. Getting her in the back room, with all the sick people, I did not want to do that to her. But I had to. I needed her there. I told the nurse that my girlfriend was in the waiting room, and could she (nurse) please get her (gf) and have her (gf) sit with me. And she came. It is a little strange to say that one of your happiest moments is to have your girlfriend walk into the emergency room, see her eyes light up when she sees you, and just be so thankful that she came, even though the pain you are in still throbs in your temples.
I am not exactly sure when I first asked for the pain medication, if I had to guess I would say it was shortly before my girlfriend showed up, though it might have been shortly after. I just know, that lying there, in the hallway, my ass hanging out (damn hospital gown), the only thing I wanted was to see her.
The hospital eventually kept me overnight, and my girlfriend agreed to stay with me. I was hooked up to an IV and the hospital required me to piss into a jug. So I pissed in a jug in front of her. And I was ok with that. I even made jokes about that (though that may have been the drugs). But she stayed with me. In the hospital. All night. We even tried to watch a movie on her computer (old and black and white), but I fell asleep after five minutes. But she was there. All night. We laid in the hospital bed together until 6 am when the nurse said the Doctors might not be too keen on such relations (its not like we did anything, I was either too doped up or in too much pain to say or do anything remotely sexy).
But the girlfriend thinks that the night we spent in the hospital was when I thought I could fall in love with her. But in reality, I fell in love with her when I was laying in the hallway cot, only wanting her by my side, but understanding (I am not sure if I understood then, but i respected) her disdain for hospitals, hoping that I would be in and out of the hospital, and when I understood that I was not, asking the nurse to get her, and then my girlfriend walked through the doors. If there was a drug that could preserve what I felt when I first saw her walk in there, I would be an addict. I was so happy. The pain was momentarily gone. All I wanted to do was reach out to her and hold her and feel her against me. And know that when she is close, everything is gonna be alright.
So that is the story of when I knew that I loved my girlfriend. The story of when I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her is much more mundane. She had recently left for the summer, so I had not seen her for a couple of weeks. I was sitting on the couch, hand down my pants Al Bundy style, when this odd feeling washed over me. I became disconnected, but completely connected to myself, electricity ran through my body, I became numb, my jaw felt like it was no longer attached to my face, my eyes could not focus on anything, I was completely and totally stunned. It just hit me. I was gonna marry her. I knew it. One day, she is gonna be my wife. One day, we are gonna be old, sitting in rocking chairs watching the sunset in Greece, and be even happier than we are now. I just knew it.
If you watch TV, you have seen the e-harmony commercials. In them, the bride and bridegroom talk about how much they had in common and how great it was that e-harmony facilitated that connection. Thats great. My best friend from my younger years met her husband on e-harmony. And that is great. Its just not for me.
My girlfriend and I have a lot in common. I am a lawyer, she will be a lawyer. Family is very important to us (though more so for her, I define family as mom, dad, and sisters, she defines it as everyone who may or may not be related to me). We both like reading. We both love Arrested Development (ok, she had no clue what it was before I made her watch the DVDs). We both think building the Lego DeathStar together would be a good relationship test.
And we have a lot more that is not in common. She is a people person. She loves meeting new people. I hate people. They annoy me. She can walk up to anyone and make friends. When she moves to a new city, her first task is to make friends with bartenders, which she does quite well (our second "date" involved me meeting her at her favorite bar. When she ordered drinks they were alcohol fueled and cheap. When I ordered drinks (and she was not around) they were alcohol light and expensive). Alright it may not be her first task, but if it is a task for her, she does quite well.
Whenever we talk about the proper way to raise kids, we disagree. Whenever we talk about a political issue, we disagree (or I take an ad hoc position and she shows me the light until I agree with her). Religion: disagree. Cigarettes: disagree. Buffy: disagree. Watching movies: disagree (I prefer TV shows. I like the development involved. Fact: In nine months, we have never had a date that involved going to see a movie). Jefferson v. Hamilton: Disagree. Going out v. Staying in: Disagree. Relationship with cousins: Disagree. Enjoyment of eating seafood: Disagree. Enjoyment of eating any quasi-exotic food: Disagree. Section of the used book store to browse through: Disagree.
That is just a sampling. But that is perfect for me. I spend all day with me, the last thing I want is someone who is exactly like me. I want someone who challenges me. Someone who makes me try new things. We agree on the important things: Marriage; Yes, Kids; Yes. But everything else, well that will take some work. And I want someone who is going to disagree with me on things like how to raise the kids. All the great bands made their best albums when the members were at each others throats. Example #1, #2.
I know that we are not a band. But we have a thing called compromise. As of right now, my belief in God is lacking. But I want my kids exposed to it, but not brainwashed, so that they can make their own decisions. I will be married in a Greek orthodox church, so long as it is understood that I do not believe that Jesus Christ is my lord and savior, though I desperately wish I could believe that. What I feel everyday with my woman, how much I care about her, how much I want to be with her, how great and happy she makes me feel, is real, the idea that a benevolent or unmerciful god is out there, is not. Its an issue, I do not deny that. I do not think it is insurmountable because we love each other, and we can find a way.
And I think that way about a lot of issues. We have different thoughts about many different issues. But I do not want someone like me. I want someone that sees the world differently. That can enlighten me, that can teach me things. Not a day goes by when she does not provide some new insight into some sort of issue.
And I don't want to spend another day of my life without her there to guide me. We have had dumb fights in person, we have had serious fights over IM, and vice versa, but not a minute goes by that I do not love her. Sorry for the double negative. I love her all the time. She has been in Greece for the last three weeks, and I think about her constantly. She has been away from me since the middle of May and I miss her terribly. She is the piece that completes me, and with 4.5 months of having her with me, I have spent the other 4.5 months lost. I just want her back so that I can feel whole again.
There is no doubt in my mind. I am going to marry her. The future is what it is. Maybe we will face obstacles we cannot overcome. I do not think we will though. Everyday since I have met her has been something special to me. I find myself amazed that I have met, and fallen in love with someone so fantastic. And the kicker is that she loves me too. I can be my nerdy, dorky self in front of her, and it still makes her laugh. And the sound of her laughing is the one sound that I could listen to for all of eternity.
So baby, on our nine month anniversary, I did not get you any presents. i did not write out the post I promised to. I wrote this. I hope you like it.
Because I love you so much, you are my Thumper, you are the most perfect thing that has ever come into my life. When you come back in sixteen days, I cannot imagine ever letting you go again. I know I have to, for thanksgiving and such things, but you are the one for me. I love you. When I talk to you on skype and I have to say that I need to hang up because it costs too much, it breaks my heart. I wish I had the ability to give you everything you ever wanted, to talk to you whenever you wanted, for as long you want. And I am sorry I cannot do that yet.
But, the one thing I can guarantee you is that you have my heart, you have my soul. Baby, Aug. 21 is going to be the best day of my life because that will be the day that I know that I get to spend to the rest of my life with you.
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