I am no MLK Jr

I had a dream. I woke up to my phone dinging, rolled over and looked at it to see what it said. It was a text message from the girlfriend saying that I should not read the comments on the latest south park episode because they were very depressing. I had missed a couple other messages from her in my sleep. The first prior one was a brief synopsis of the actual south park show (something about the letter N I believe) and a link to watch it. The message prior to that was of Grandma Simpson (of the tv show) having one very exaggerated breast (as if it was being pulled. Yes, its weird. Its a fucking dream)

Then I woke up and The Girlfriend was in bed next to me, which made me happy. Then I slid off the bed, which woke The Girlfriend up. I said hello to her, then told her I slid off the bed. She asked why. I said I didnt know, I just slid off. She told me to get back into bed, which I tried to do. But I couldnt forces were working against me. I said I could not get into bed. She said that is crazy talk. Then my entire apartment started shaking. Like rocking back and forth violently. The Girlfriend looked at me and understood why I could not get back into bed. Oh shit I thought, a fucking earthquake. I grabbed her off the bed and pulled her into my archway. As if this would help I thought, we are on the ninth fucking floor. The rumbling and shaking got worse as car alarms started going off. We sat on the floor clutching each other as we looked out the window. Then we saw it. A hollywood type blast, like the one in Independence day, was coming towards us, fast. This is it I thought. A second, maybe two to live. One chance to make sure I know she knows how I feel before we die. I turned towards her, pulled her close, looked right at her and screamed, "I LOOOOOOVVVEE YOOOUUU!!!!" as loud as I could to make sure she could hear it over the blast. The fiery blast hit us, and I could feel myself being pulled apart, and screamed that I loved her again, tears evaporating off my face as fast as I could form them. In this moment, my last thoughts were that I hope Jesus is real, I hope there is an afterlife, and I hope that I get to see The Girlfriend there.

And then I woke up. Laying in bed, nothing shaking but me. Furiously clutching The Girlfriend's stuffed bear that she left for me when she left last summer. My heart racing at who knows what rate. I laid there for five minutes.

Then I got up and wrote it down. Beats going back to sleep.

[ed. note: I dreamed this a while ago, Apr. 3 to be exact. I know because I freaked out and wrote it down after the tremors stopped. I then emailed it to myself. I share it with you now because I never write anything, I feel shame for that, and think that exposing my inner most fears will allow you to accept me.]