Late Night TV

I was watching some TV late last night and as per usual on a saturday night, there was nothing good on. But it was taking to a new level last night as I stumbled across this movie:





When I first turned it on, it looked like it might be that old TV show on Fox about dinosaurs. But it wasn't. This was something much more disturbing. And THEN Whoopi showed up in spandex. Tired as I was, I had to do some more research into this disaster of a movie. The pertinent facts: Made in 1995 for $35 million. Intended for a theatrical release but went straight to VHS (Most expensive direct to video movie at the time). Whoopi decided she wanted out before filming started, but had signed a contract and eventually settled for $7 million to star in the film.

Watching this movie was just god awful. I cannot begin to explain my thoughts on it. Instead, I direct you to the comments on IMDB and Amazon. My favorite review, a Five Star from amazon:

"Watching this film sober - and even under the influence - is like giving birth out of your ear while simultaneously having a stroke, getting a root canal, and walking in on your parents having sex. In your bed. And as you walk in on them, you step on a rake and it hits you in the face and drives a splinter into your eye. Yet at the same time it triggers a visceral, masochistic response somewhere deep inside, and you can't help but take pleasure in every mind-numbing attempt at a joke, every sudden idiotic plot twist, and every glimpse of Whoopi's gross spandexed rumpus. A real treat."

It is quite accurate, except for that last part.

It would be accurate to call this a career killer, at least for the writer/director. The lucky guy was given the reigns to a $35 million dollar picture and produced a horrible piece of trash. And amazingly, he could not find work in Hollywood again. At least until this year. He wrote a new movie. But I wonder what he did for the last fifteen years.

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The only thing worse than this movie, was a commercial that ran during it. It was for this thing called Big Top Cupcakes.

The selling point? It is 25x bigger than a regular Cupcake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you believe that? You know what is 25x bigger than a cupcake? A Regular Fucking Cake! It is called a cupcake because it is a cake that fits in a goddamn cup! It is a fucking cake you eat with your fingers! Why the hell do you need a cupcake on steriods when you can just make a fucking cake!





God, what an atrocious night of TV. I don't even want to get into the nightmares this shit gave me.